Sailor Moon: Harry Potter Style!
by RuneWitchSakura
Summary: The Sailor Moon characters and I get to laugh as the Harry Potter characters try on their shoes, so to speak. Beware of crossdressing straight and gay guys and an authoress with an insanity problem. T for language. On Hold.
1. Choosing Parts

Pairings: Usagi/Mamoru, Haruka/Michiru, Gurio/Naru, Zocite/Kunzite, ChibiUsa/Helios, Rei/Yuuichirou, Tonks/Remus, Hermione/Harry, Ginny/Draco, Ron/Blaise, Sirius/Bill

Harry, Hermione, Ron, Tonks, Remus, Ginny, Draco, Blaise, Snape, Luna, Sirius, Bill, Flitwick, Daphne, Charlie, Voldemort, Pansy, Regulus, Bellatrix, Lucius, Greyback, Dumbledore, Percy, Fudge, Goyle, McGonagall, Crabbe, Sprout, and Umbridge all woke up to find them selves in a room.

"Finally they're awake," they heard a voice above them. They looked up to see fifteen people on a balcony. Most of them were girls.

"Who the hell are you," Greyback yelled.

"I demand you let us go," Fudge said.

"Yeah," Harry said, before pointing to Voldemort, Pansy, Bellatrix, Lucius, Greyback, Goyle, Crabbe, Draco, Fudge, and Umbridge, "Except for them. You can keep them."

"Hey," said all of the aforementioned and now quite insulted…uh…people.

"No fighting, dammit," the person who spoke before said, "At least not yet. And before you ask again, my name is RuneWitchSakura, but you may all call me Rune. This here (holding onto a little boy) is my annoying little brother who we will call Annoyance, for the hell of it. Now…Sailor Moon people, introduce yourselves."

"Usagi Tsukino."

"Mamoru Chiba."

"ChibiUsa Tsukino."

"Rei Hino."

"Ami Mizuno."

"Minako Aino."

"Makoto Kino."

"Setsuna Meioh."

"Haruka Tenoh."

"Michiru Kaioh."

"Hotaru Tomoe."

"Naru Osaka."

"Gurio Umino."

"Good, now…Harry Potter people, introduce yourselves," Rune said.

"Harry Potter."

"Hermione Granger."

"Ron Weasley."

"Tonks."

"Remus Lupin."

"Sirius Black."

"Ginny Weasley."

"Percy Weasley."

"Bill Weasley."

"Charlie Weasley."

"Minister Cornelius Fudge."

"Delores Umbridge."

"(cough)Umbitch(cough)," Rune said.

"Draco Malfoy."

"Blaise Zabini."

"Regulus Black."

"Lord Voldemort."

"Lucius Malfoy."

"Bellatrix Lestrange."

"Gregory Goyle."

"Vincent Crabbe."

"Pansy Parkinson."

"…" Snape.

"Albus Wulfric Percival Brian Dumbledore."

"Filius Flitwick."

"Minerva McGonagall."

"Pomona Sprout."

"Luna Lovegood."

"…" Greyback.

"Daphne Greengrass."

"Great…now that were all acquainted," Rune said, "See the boxes…there's one up here and one down there. Your names are in this box (holds up box), and the Sailor Moon people's names are in the box down there. We draw a name from this box, and the person we call draws a name from that box. Got it? Good. Ms. Tsukino, seeing as you're future queen of Crystal Tokyo…why don't you do the honors." Usagi started drawing names.

"Ron Weasley." Ron nervously walked up to the box, stuck his hand in, and pulled out a piece of paper.

"Sailor Uranus - Haruka Tenoh. What the hell?" he said.

"Don't ask," Rune said, "Usagi."

"Draco Malfoy." Draco walked confidently up to the box, and took out a piece of paper. His eye started twitching.

"Sailor Venus - Minako Aino," Draco said, eye still twitching. When Ron started laughing he stated, "At least it's better than Sailor Butt."

"What'd you say!" Haruka and Ron exclaim at the same time, before tackling him.

Usagi smiled and continued to read names.

Harry Potter: Sailor Jupiter - Makoto Kino

Luna Lovegood: Sailor Pluto - Setsuna Meioh

Sirius Black: Gurio Umino

Hermione Granger: Sailor Mercury - Ami Mizuno

Nymphadora Tonks: Sailor Moon - Usagi Tsukino

Remus Lupin: Tuxedo Kamen - Mamoru Chiba

Voldemort: Queen Beryl, Prince Demando, and Queen Nehelenia

Albus Dumbledore: Wiseman

Pansy Parkinson: Jadite

Ginny Weasley: Sailor Mars - Rei Hino

Lucius Malfoy: Kunzite

Blaise Zabini: Sailor Neptune - Michiru Kaioh

Cornelius Fudge: Esmeraude

Minerva McGonagall: Ceres-Ceres

Bellatrix Lestrange: Zocite

Fenrir Greyback: Metallia and Vesu-Vesu

Severus Snape: Sailor Saturn - Hotaru Tomoe

Bill Weasley: Naru Osaka

Filius Flitwick: Motoki Furuhata

Vincent Crabbe: Jun-Jun

Pomona Sprout: Parra-Parra

Percy Weasley: Rubeus

Gregory Goyle: Safiru

Delores Umbridge: Zirconia

Daphne Greengrass: Helios

Charlie Weasley: Yuuichirou Kumada

Regulus Black: Nephlite

"And that leaves me to play Sailor Chibi Moon - ChibiUsa Tsukino," Rune said, "And for Annoyance to play Shingo Tsukino." Rune claps her hands together and sighs.

"And why exactly should we do this," Greyback growled.

"Because if you don't," Rune growled back, before tacking something out of her magic bag and throwing them down to Fenrir, "these get sent to everyone…and don't worry _puppy_, those are only copies."

Fenrir took one look at the various photos, paled, and decided to go along with whatever RuneWitchSakura wanted as he really didn't want _those_ particular pictures to get out.


	2. NO BLOODY THANKS

Chapter 1 - Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!

or

Chapter 1 - YEEEEEOOOOWWWWW! Damn Cat!

Or

Chapter 1 - OW! Dammit! Stop Hitting Me On The Head!

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"Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!" Tonks said as she ran out of her house. She was late for school.

((PAUSE))

"Uh, I graduated from school already," Tonks said.

"Yes, but you're playing Usagi," Rune said.

"And she _definitely_ hasn't graduated yet," Annoyance teased.

"OW!" Usagi smacked Annoyance upside the head.

((PLAY))

She runs down the street and finds a group of boys beating up a cat.

"HEY!" she yells to stop them. They scatter and she runs over to the cat and picks it up.

"You've gotta be kidding," Tonks said, looking to the sky.

Crookshanks, with a bandage on his forehead, hissed.

"Oh, bite me," Tonks said. Crookshanks did just that.

"YEEEEEOOOOWWWWW! Damn cat!"

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Tonks had finally made it to school when the teacher shoved a piece of paper in her face.

"There was no excuse for failing this exam!" the teacher yelled, before telling her to take it home and get it signed.

((PAUSE))

"OW!" Rune yelled, as Tonks hit her on the head, "What was that for?" Tonks shoved the exam in her face.

"A THIRTY!" Tonks yelled, "I'll have you know I was at the top of my class! I never got a thirty!"

"But you're playing Usagi, and she did," Rune argued. Usagi, realizing that Rune had just sort-of-insulted her, smacked Rune upside the head.

"OW! Dammit, would you people stop doing that!"

((PLAY))

"It's not that bad," Bill said.

"But I don't wanna have a thirty!" Tonks cried, "My moms gonna kill me!"

"I can tutor you," Sirius offered. Tonks bonked him on the head.

"NO BLOODY THANKS!"

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Tonks - Usagi

Bill - Naru

Sirius - Gurio


	3. Sleeping Pills Do Wonders

Chapter 2 - Annoyance From Hell

or

Chapter 2 - Scapegoat Draco

or

Chapter 2 - HERMY-GIRL! HERE I COME!

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Poke.

Tonks rolled over and snored some more.

Poke. _Poke_.

Tonks groaned and swatted at the hand.

"Go 'way R'mus. Don't wanna get up."

Poke.

"Aww! _Poke_. Who's Remus? _Poke_. You got a boyfriend! _Poke_. I'm telling mom! _Poke_."

Tonks was awake. She saw Annoyance poking her in the side, and rambling on about her having a boyfriend. All of a sudden he fell forward and started snoring.

"Sleeping pills do wonders don't they?" Rune asked. Tonks agreed.

((PAUSE))

"You do realize that ChibiUsa isn't supposed to show up yet, right?" Haruka asked. Rune sweat drops.

"Uh…DRACO! You have _got_ to stop calling Sailor Uranus, Sailor Butt!"

"WHAT!" Haruka and Ron yelled before ganging up on Draco.

"But I didn't do anything!"

"Except for being my scapegoat," Rune snickered to herself.

((PLAY))

"Oh dear," Tonks deadpanned, "I found a floppy disk. Hermione must have dropped it. What _ever_ should I do?"

"You should go buy me food, because I'm hungry," Crookshanks said, "And…HEY! Since when can I talk! I'm going to find my owner, and get her to feed me."

"But you're supposed to be my cat!" Tonks whined.

"And? Hermy-girl feeds me. And not that crappy stuff outta the can either. REAL FOOD! HERMY-GIRL HERE I COME!" Crookshanks ran off.

"Dammit!" Rune yelled, "Get your sorry cat fur covered ass back here you stupid cat!" Crookshanks didn't come back.

"DAMMIT!"

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Tonks - Usagi

Annoyance - Shingo

Rune - ChibiUsa


	4. What? I'm PMSing!

Chapter 3 - Kitty Suit

or

Chapter 3 - Hey, Saturn! Can I Borrow Your Glaive?

or

Chapter 3 - Oh, Crud. What Was The Line Again?

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Tonks sweatdropped as she walked towards the cram school. She promised her self that she would never fall for demented authoress tricks ever again. Annoyance had been taken from his part as Shingo and put in a cat suit.

They needed a Luna, and Rune was desperate.

((PAUSE))

"Do I _have_ to do this?" Annoyance whined.

"What's wrong with being Luna?" both cat-Luna and human-Luna asked.

"I have to wear-," Annoyance started, before seeing Rune ask Saturn if she could borrow her glaive and grin at him, "I don't have a problem with it. No problem at all!" Annoyance ran back to his place, so they could continue.

"Nevermind," Rune said to Saturn, "I don't need your glaive anymore."

"Whatever," Saturn said.

((PLAY))

Tonks arrived at the Cram School, to find all the students but Hermione, as zombies.

"Oh, crud. What was the line again?" Tonks asked herself, "Think. Think. Think."

"It was 'Moon Prism Power'," Annoyance said.

"Oh, yeah! Moon Prism Power!" Tonks yelled.

123 Moon 321

Insert Moon Transformation Here.

Replace Usagi with Tonks

321 Moon 123

"In the name of the Moon, I will punish you!"

((PAUSE))

"Do I _really_ have to say that?" Tonks asked.

"Why not?" Usagi asked.

"It's corny!"

"Corny this!" Usagi punched Tonks.

Everyone stared at Usagi.

"What? I'm PMSing!"

((PLAY))

Sailor Tonks is was rendered unconscious by the zombie students…okay, okay, so it was by Usagi, but lets say it was by the zombie students so Hermione has an excuse to transform, alright.

Sigh. We'll continue this next chapter.

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Tonks - Usagi, Sailor Moon

Annoyance - Luna stand in (Crookshanks ran away)

Hermione - Ami


	5. I Was Supposed To Save The Day

Chapter 4 - Damn This Cape!

or

Chapter 4 - Stop Looking At Me Like That!

or

Chapter 4 - What Keyboard? I Don't Know What You're Talking About.

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Sailor Tonks is was rendered unconscious by the zombie students…okay, okay, so it was by Usagi, but lets say it was by the zombie students so Hermione has an excuse to transform, alright.

"I'll save you Sailor Tonks!" Tuxedo Remus said, before falling flat on his face, "Damn this cape! I keep (bleep)ing tripping on it!" Hermione gasped.

123 Mercury 321

Insert Mercury Transformation Here.

Replace Ami with Hermione

321 Mercury 123

Sailor Hermione hit Tuxedo Remus on the head.

"You're not supposed to (bleep)ing curse! This is a kids show!" Sailor Hermione yelled.

"You just did," Tuxedo Remus pointed out.

"Shut the (bleep) up!" Sailor Hermione screamed. She then used her attack and aimed it at Tuxedo Remus. But she missed and hit the zombie students and the bad guy therefore saving the day.

((PAUSE))

All the Sailor Moon characters looked at Rune strangely. Hermione smacked her on the head.

"I do not curse, thank you very much!"

"You do realize that Tuxedo Kamen wasn't supposed to appear yet right?" Mamoru asked.

"Yeah," Rune replied, "But I forgot when and had to add him in somehow." All the Sailor Moon characters looked at Rune strangely.

"Stop looking at me like that!"

((PLAY))

Sailor Tonks woke up.

"Whoa! What happened! Who saved the day?" she asked.

"I did," Sailor Hermione replied.

"Damn. I was supposed to do that," Sailor Tonks said, "Um…why are you beating up Tuxedo Remus with a keyboard?"

"Uh," Sailor Hermione said, quickly hiding the keyboard behind her back, "What keyboard? I don't know what you're talking about. Heh, heh. Bye" Sailor Hermione ran out of the room.

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Tonks - Sailor Moon

Remus - Tuxedo Kamen

Hermione - Ami, Sailor Mercury


	6. So Yeah, You’re Sailor Mars

Chapter 5 - Why Are We At The Shrine Again?

or

Chapter 5 - Smart Kitty

or

Chapter 5 - Annoyance Is The One Buying It

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"Okay, why are we at the shrine again," Tonks asked.

"That wasn't the line," Annoyance (still in the cat suit) muttered.

"Bite me," Tonks said.

"Don't tempt me," Annoyance growled. Hermione whacked him on the head.

"Be nice," she said. Crookshanks appeared.

"HERMY-GIRL! WHERE'S MY FOOD!" he yelled. All of a sudden a net covered him.

"HA! I finally caught you ya damn cat!" Rune screamed, holding the net, "Now you can play Luna like your supposed too!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Crookshanks screamed.

"I'll buy you a three-course meal from Applebee's," Rune offered.

"Deal," Crookshanks said, kicking Annoyance down the road, "I'm Luna dammit!"

"Smart kitty," Rune giggled.

((PAUSE))

"You know I still haven't gotten that three-course meal," Crookshanks tried to say, but it only came out as "Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow-meow meow."

"I so rule," Rune said to herself, before turning to Crookshanks, "What's that sweetie? I can't understand you."

"Allow me to translate, then," Cat-Luna said, "He wants you to know that he still hasn't gotten that three-course meal you promised him." Rune was both glaring at Cat-Luna and trying to figure a way out of buying the dinner. Then she got an idea.

"Annoyance lost a bet to me," Rune said, "So he's the one buying it!" Crookshanks and Cat-Luna turned to Annoyance.

"WHAT!" he screamed. Rune grinned.

((PLAY))

"So yeah, you're Sailor Mars," Tonks said.

"No shit Sherlock," Ginny said.

"Here's your wandy transformy thingy," Crookshanks said, before throwing it at Ginny.

"OW! You stupid cat!" Ginny yelled, rubbing her forehead where the wand hit.

"Now where's that dinner?" Crookshanks asked.

"I'll eat you for dinner," Ginny grumbled, before pulling out a broom (which happened to be Harry's Firebolt) and chasing the cat around screaming, "Here kitty kitty kitty! Don't worry! I won't hurt you too much! DIE!"

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Tonks - Usagi

Annoyance - Luna stand in

Hermione - Ami

Crookshanks - Luna

Rune - ChibiUsa

Ginny - Rei

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Sorry it's so late guys. I've been trying to get my other stories done, and didn't pay much attention to this one until today.

Rune


	7. Fine Print Sucks, Don't It!

Chapter 6 - Queen Voldie!

or

Chapter 6 - Wasn't He Supposed To Be Using Roses

or

Chapter 6 - It Was Either That Or Cow Pies

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"Ha ha ha ha ha ha!" Pansy laughed, in a semi-evil-but-not-really kind of way, "All this energy for Queen Voldie! Ha ha ha!"

"Um…I can't believe I'm doing this again," Sailor Tonks said, "In the name of the moon, I will punish you!"

"Yeah! And I'll flame your sorry butt too!" Sailor Ginny yelled.

"You can't stop me!" Pansy yelled, before something hit her in the back of the head, "OW!" She turned to see Tuxedo Remus, she picked up the rock, and threw it back at him.

"Wasn't he supposed to be using roses?" Sailor Hermione asked.

"I couldn't find any of them," Sailor Chibi Rune replied, "So I improvised."

((PAUSE))

"Rocks?" Mamoru yelled.

"It's only two letters different from roses," Rune said, "It was either that or cow pies. I figured rocks were better."

"What the hell is a cow pie," Pansy asked.

"Um…"

((PLAY))

The Sailor Wannabes watched as Tuxedo Remus and Pansy continued throwing rocks at each other.

"Should we go find Sailor Jupiter?" Sailor Hermione asked.

"You just want to find Harry because he's you're boyfriend," Sailor Tonks said.

"Yep."

"Wait!" Sailor Tonks yelled, "Then that means that he's one of the cross-dressing straight guys that the summary warned us about!"

((PAUSE))

"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! There was nothing in the contract about having to cross-dress," Harry said.

"Yes there was," Rune said, pulling out the contract Harry had signed, and a really big magnifying glass, "It's right here." Harry used the magnifying glass to read the fine print.

"_Section B, Paragraph 32. The signer of this contract will wear whatever the authoress so wishes as long as it is for the story._ Damn," Harry said.

"Didn't you wonder why it went from paragraph 31 to paragraph 33?" Rune asked.

"I kinda thought it was a misprint," Harry said.

"I d nt misprnt," Rune yelled.

"You just did."

"Damn."

((PLAY))

"OW! DAMMIT! STOP THROWING THE ROCKS!" Tuxedo Remus yelled, throwing one rock at Pansy, as another one hit him in the head.

"YOU STARTED IT!" Pansy yelled back, throwing two more rocks.

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Pansy - Jadite

Tonks - Sailor Moon

Ginny - Sailor Mars

Remus - Tuxedo Kamen

Hermione - Sailor Mercury

Rune - Sailor Chibi Moon


	8. You Are An Evil Devious Person

Chapter 7 – Kissie, Kissie

or

Chapter 7 – Are You Insane

or

Chapter 7 – Damn That Contract

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"Lucius-sama!" Bellatrix yelled, glomping him. "My favoritest person ever! Gimmie a kissie!"

"Nooooooooooooooo!" Lucius screamed.

((Pause))

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Lucius yelled.

"Kunzite and Zocite are totally in love with each other," Rune explained. "Bella is just getting in character."

"I would have preferred a…saner person, to portray me," Zocite said, coldly.

"Yes, well, it was decided by chance, so…heh heh heh…Anyway! You have to at least pretend to like her."

"I do not!" Lucius yelled.

"Okay, so you actually don't, but you will, or I'm telling Voldemort that you think he looks hot in that dress."

"Are you insane? He'll kill me if…oh, I see…you are an evil, devious person."

"Thank you. Now, get back to Bella."

((Play))

"Kissie, kissie!" Bella sang.

"Ugh…" Lucius said, closing his eyes, and giving Bellatrix a quick kiss on the cheek. He shivered afterwards and gagged.

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Harry glanced at the mirror in the room. He was wearing a white shirt and a light brown skirt…a SKIRT! Damn that contract. Harry sighed, and walked to school. If anyone laughed at them…he was turning them into a lightning rod.

((Pause))

"Sorry, Harry," Rune said, "You can't do that yet."

"Damn You."

((Play))

"Hi, I'm Tonks!"

"Hermione."

"Ginny."

"Harry."

((Pause))

"I go to a different school," Rei said.

"Yeah, I know," Rune replied, "but Ginny threatened me to make sure she was with Harry."

"I thought this was Harry/Hermione and Draco/Ginny," Usagi whispered.

"It is…apparently Ginny is the overprotective younger sister type."

"Ah."

((Play))

"You're Sailor Jupiter. The green will match your eyes. The pink…not so much." Ginny said.

"Pink?"

"Yes, pink."

"I hate you," Harry said, looking towards the sky.

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I went back through who I had as what character and the scene between Lucius and Bella just hit me. This is story seventeen of twenty-seven that is being updated, since I got all my data and stuff back. Read and Review! Smiles!

Rune


	9. Dreaded Author's Note

To My Readers:

Yes, the dreaded Author's Note rather than an update. As I'm sure you noticed, I haven't updated any of my stories in well over a year, and several of them in well, several years. **I'm not giving them up, but it has been a long time, so here's the deal.**

I'll be slowly but surely moving them to my livejournal account. mchilz (dot) livejournal (dot) com The link will also be up on my profile. My e-mail is also mchilz (at) hotmail (dot) com. I know I've meant to put that in the latest updates, but well, the updates didn't happen.

This allows for two things:

(**One**) I will be able to keep track of when I've updated any fanfics (with fanfic in the title of the post), and will guilt myself into posting if I don't see one at least every two weeks.

(**Two**) I will be able to edit to my heart's content. I easily fix mistakes that I didn't quite catch the first time proof reading. I can also rewrite most of them. If you've read some of my earlier stories and some of my latest ones, you can tell that my writing style has changed a bit.

I've honestly looked back at some of them and thought, _I wrote this? Seriously?_

As soon as each story is done, it will be moved back over here. Not that I'm taking any of the stories down. The chapters already here will just be replaced. In the newest chapters I will have a note in bold at the top saying 'Read from the beginning'.

As for my livejournal, you'll know you're there when you see 'Random Writings' as the heading with 'MChilz' directly under it. On the left hand column, under the title 'FANFICTION LINKS' will be a link to the master fanfiction post (for everything and for each fandom) for easy access.

I update my livejournal a lot with amusing things that my cat or brother did, spiders scaring the crap out of me, writer's block, and every dream I can remember, quite a few of which will likely get turned into fanfiction themselves. So, you'll definitely want to use the fanfiction master post, so you don't get lost.

I will likely continue my updates at Twisting the Hellmouth, as that has different stories then here, but fanficion and mediaminer will have to wait for updates (I've forgotten my password to mediaminer and fictionesque anyway. So as soon as I figure them out, I'll post a similar note there).

Sincerely,

RuneWitchSakura


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